Session 1: I feel like an actor in someone else's film

My name is Candy Barr and I am a supermodel. I am from Drem. It is a small town in East Lothian. There is a sub-Post Office and a field where horses can jump. It is on the railway line between Edinburgh and London. I was standing on the station platform when I was spotted by an agent and nothing in my life was ever the same. I had my first kiss in the bus shelter at the end of the Dirleton by-pass. My favourite colour is aquamarine. My lucky number is nine. My favourite animal is a meerkat. I am not dating David Beckham. I have had substance abuse problems but I have confronted the reckless urge which was controlling my life and now understand that I am in control of my own destiny. I am an Aries. I believe in God, but I think he is inside everyone and not in the sky with a big beard. I have a statue of Buddha in my second bathroom. I got it at the Farmers' Market in Los Angeles. I don't know much about Buddhism, but I like Chinese food and I think you can tell if a statue has a good aura. I believe in feng shui but not in ghosts. I am naturally thin. I am not ill. I do not binge or vomit or inject heroin in the space between my toes where the camera can't see. I eat like a horse. I used to have a pony who I loved more than I have loved anyone. I don't really want to talk about my parents, thank you. My upbringing was good. I was fat when I was young and I have never forgotten the pain of being taunted by others. I have taken some satisfaction from the fact that I am an international beauty, but I understand that the whims of the marketplace are not a thing on which to base one's self-esteem. I will not be a model forever. I know some people can go on and on, like Jerry Hall or Isabella Rossellini, but there's something undignified about that, not that I'm criticising them. I don't worry about nudity, because we are all naked underneath and there's no shame in that. But I think maybe I was exploited when I was younger. Some of my best friends are gay but that doesn't mean I am. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay.It's difficult, trying to maintain a relationship. You never know why people like you. Sometimes I think it isn't me that they like but an imaginary person who looks like me. When that happens I can feel like an actor in someone else's film. I recently did a video and I think I might like to try a movie, but the part would have to be right. I would look for a part that taught me something. My favourite movie is Born Free.I sometimes think I am in a zoo. In my dreams I can fly. It isn't a big deal. It's just the way I get around. Sometimes in my dreams I am sinking into my bed and I can't get out. On planes I never sleep. I take serotonin. I need the sun but I have fair skin and burn easily. I have a recurring dream where I look through the letterbox of my front door and there is wire outside, but it is on fire. It is burning wire. I would like to give something back to society. Maybe I could teach, or work with the United Nations or horses. When I was young, I wanted to be the first woman on the moon. Sometimes I think I will have to stop modelling, but how can you stop, and what else could I do?